I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
