i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
