Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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