You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
