Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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