hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
