Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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