They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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