I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
