Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
