dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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