Moan for me like Helen Keller
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
