I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
