12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize