Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
