trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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