We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
This is the high leading the old right now
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
