I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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