i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
