So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
