Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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