This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
