does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
