when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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