this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Is Oprah even human
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
