i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
