God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
