i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
