Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
