i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
