Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
