How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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