The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
