the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
