Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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