Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
