I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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