so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
