mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
