I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize