Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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