So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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