Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
