One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
