Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
