dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
