wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
