He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
