dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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