i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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