____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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