We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
