His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
