he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
