wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
