and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
