A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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