Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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