he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
