It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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