Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
