I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think people are normalizing furries
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
