Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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