return my video game
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
