I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
