yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
