you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize