I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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