I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
