Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
