Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
