Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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