I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
