i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
