I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
