It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
