i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
