your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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