Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
