he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
