just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
