Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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